Having Some Trouble In Paradise? Maybe This Will Help
Relationships are hard work. It never turns out quite as straightforward as we always hoped it would be. We dream of meeting our soulmate in some destiny-fuelled way, instantly falling in love, and proceeding to have a blissful relationship that turns into a happily ever after. If you've had some experience dating and being in relationships, that thought has long gone and you are now left with some harsh realities. It'll never be quite as easy as you secretly wish. Of course, love is glorious, and being in a relationship with someone you adore and care about can't be compared. But here and there we find ourselves stumbling across blocks and problems that threaten to cause trouble in our little paradise.
Figure Out The Blocks
Every relationship is unique. We all come into a relationship with our personal baggage, wounds, attachment styles, and traumas. This means that each relationship will be different from the next. When trouble arises, take a step back and try to think clearly. Often, our natural instinct is to try and fix it as quickly as we can but this is similar to brushing dirt under the rug. By taking a step back, you can try and figure out the root of the problem. Figuring out the root of the issue will lead to a stronger and healthier relationship. By only addressing the issue at hand, you risk this problem continually happening.
The root cause could be anything; it might be an attachment style, an abandonment wound, or selfish tendencies. It could be stemming from both yourself and your partner or just one of you. To cultivate a truly healthy relationship, you need to be able to honestly approach this with the right mindset. If the root cause is from your side, this doesn't mean that you should fall into self-loathing or denial. Instead, treat yourself with as much compassion as you can. Your partner should treat you with love and compassion, and give you the support you need to work through these issues. Now that you are aware, you can start the journey to healing. Similarly, if the issue stems from your partner, don't use this as an opportunity to score points. Instead, show them how much you love and support them. They might feel ashamed, or don't understand how to work through this. Be there for them and allow them to receive the help and guidance they need to heal.
Look Inwards
Many relationship issues can be fixed if we focus on ourselves, our individual healing, and our lives more than the relationship. A relationship is two individuals coming together and choosing to share a life. This does not mean that you lose the 'individual' part. It can be so easy to lose yourself in a relationship, to forget yourself a little, and to live more for the relationship than for yourself. When trouble arises, take an honest look at yourself and notice if you're doing this. It doesn't have to be in every aspect of your life, but there could be parts of yourself and your identity that you are sacrificing for the relationship. If you want to seriously improve your relationships, focus on yourself. Put yourself first, and do all the things you genuinely love to do. Investing this time in yourself is investing in the relationship. The more you fill up your cup, the more you have to give to others, and the more fulfilling your relationship and other aspects of your life will become.
When we lose ourselves, we might find that we lose our authenticity, clarity, gut instinct, or connection to ourselves. Focusing on yourself will help bring these back. From this point, you can begin connecting with your partner in a healthy and authentic way.
Acceptance
When we face troubles in our relationship, we might find that we get our guards up. Our defense mechanisms pop up and this can often exacerbate the issue. Instead, try to choose understanding and acceptance. If your partner has a completely different opinion or perspective on something, accept it. For a healthy relationship, you need to be able to handle others having opposing views to yours. During times of conflict, allow them to express their view without being offended or getting defensive. This can often make a world of difference. By softening up and being understanding you invite them to be understanding and accepting of what you have to say.
If you are experiencing trouble in paradise, use these tips and see if there is a shift. Sometimes, we just need new insight or understanding to know the truth of a situation. Stay open-minded and curious within your relationship and you may find things shifting in a dramatic way.
