While having a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship allows one to hang out and have fun with someone without any serious commitments, it can sometimes pose a challenge when it comes to saying “no.” It may be turning down a request for a while because you do not feel like doing whatever your partner is requesting. It could also be about ending the relationship.

So, how do you say “NO” to your friends with benefits effectively? Here are some tips on doing it:

Explain why you cannot make it or if they displeased you

You may not feel excited about having fun with your FWB at a given moment when they suggest that you hook up. It is critical to pause and reflect on why that idea may not be appealing to you at that time. It could be that you are tired, for example after a heavy workout, or you could be feeling sick, or you may have a school or work assignment that is almost due and you need to complete it. It may also be that your FWB did something to you, failed to do something, or said something that hurt you. You should let your partner know why you cannot manage to be there at that moment.

If you are busy wrapping up some assignments that are almost due, then tell them that. If you were offended by their actions or omissions, let them know that. You may tell them that you still value your friendship, but if you are to keep being friends, then they should know that they hurt you when they did what they did or said something that you felt was a bit unfair. Seek to straighten out things and continue enjoying each other’s company.

Promise to make up or give an alternative

After explaining your reason for saying “no” at that moment, you need to let your FWB know that it is not a blanket NO, but you still want to continue enjoying the “benefits” and keep the friendship. You can offer to hook up the next weekend or at another convenient time. Maybe it is a friend that you met on a dating site like Happymatches and have not yet got to know each other well, having hung out only a few times. Assure them that you are glad to have met them and wish to keep the friendship. You may give an alternative of doing a video call and chat for some time and exchange pleasantries. You can soften your NO at the moment by promising to spend a longer time with them next time or try new things.

Communicate clearly when saying no to end things

Unlike in official relationships in which breakups normally require a face-to-face meeting or phone conversation, friends with benefits relationships are casual. This can allow you to break up through an email, text message, or any other non-personal method. But you may also choose to respect the preexisting friendship and break up in a more personal way. If you decide to use non-personal ways, ensure that you clearly and concisely state your intention to end the friendship and leave no room for misinterpretation since you will not be there to clarify anything. You could choose to use a non-personal method when you fear that a face-to-face encounter could weaken your resolve, or your FWB is likely to try to manipulate you, or when meeting is a bit more difficult like in a long-distance relationship. You need to be ready to handle the breakup, and if you feel that there are chances of the friendship relapsing, you should cut any communications. Better still, if your FWB has no problem with it, you may agree to continue being friends but do away with the benefits.

You have to be able to say no to your friend with benefits and stand your ground. Whether it is a no for a moment or to break-up altogether, you need to be forthright and always seek your best interests. After all, you are just in it for the benefits and friendship without a serious commitment.

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